"You don't even have to do what your heart knows is right; you simple must be seen to have the 'right' values..." (P. 57)

People commonly ask us not to judge, but truth is, we're judging others all the time. When we see someone, we judge him/her and automatically decide whether we like that person or not. Some people are more attracted to poised and elegant - looking people, while others bash these and prefer someone who appears more down to earth and simple.

Whenever we speak to a new person or audience, they are immediately judging us. They might be evaluating the shoes we're wearing, how our hair looks, whether we're "pretty" or "ugly,"the sound of our voice, our gestures... everything -not to make you nervous, just making my point clear. So it is important to appeal to them the instant you walk into the room. That's why it's so crucial to know your audience: You'll know what it is they like, and this way, make it hard for them to dislike you. This is decorum.

However, putting all your efforts on your looks won't do. People might like you after judging your appearance... but they will not trust you that easily. In order for your audience to be approachable, to be focused on what you're saying, and to like and believe in you, you must keep three concepts in mind: Selflessness, practical wisdom, and virtue. Selflessness makes the audience believe that everything you do, you do it for them, and this way, they'll develop a liking towards you. If "you appear to know the right thing to do on every occasion" (P. 56), they'll admire you and be attentive to what you're saying. These are both not that difficult to manage, but then there's values. You have to know your audience and uphold their values. You can't approach a group of nuns and begin talking about your wild Friday night... they won't like it, and they won't like you. Similarly, you can't approach a group of scientists and talk to them about how much you love God. They'll lose all interest in you and won't like you very much. So talk to people about what they like and approve of and you'll earn their attention and respect. It doesn't matter if you don't exactly believe in what your audience does, "this kind of persuasive virtue does not require purity of soul and universal goodness." (P. 57) So my advice to you is (unless you're a really bad liar), if you are completely against your audience's values, just fake it until you're fooling even yourself.