"I'm sorry I didn't know you were so sad." (P. 115)

Close-to-death experiences change people. By surviving a car accident, a shooting, or making a decision and then realizing you could have died if you'd picked the other choice, you learn to value what you have even more. You realize you can't take everything for granted because it won't always be there and you realize how important it all is to you. But if it weren't an accident you survived, but instead something that you brought upon yourself, the realization will probably be even stronger. You'll finally notice everything you were willing to lose, and you'll regret it. You'll change.

Ever since Brent Runyon tried to set fire to himself but was saved, he has changed immensely. Not only does he regret doing this ("I wish I'd stopped. But I didn't." P. 106), but also small things that used to determine who he was are beginning to change as well. When Dr. Rubinstein asks Brent to tell his mom about the other suicide attempts, he doesn't want to. Not because he doesn't want her to know, but because he doesn't want to worry her since he no longer has the intention to kill himself. "... I'm different now. I don't do these things. I'm sorry. I was making mistakes. I didn't know what I was doing and I couldn't stop," he says on page 114. Not only has he changed, but he's ashamed of who he used to be and knows better now: He has grown up.

Earlier on in the memoir Brent says "Oh, favorite color. I would say black, it used to be black, but I'm not sure it's black anymore. Maybe some other color. I like green. I've always liked green. And navy blue. Navy blue is good." (P. 62) However, later on, on page 115, Brent admits that he wore black clothes because the color reminded him of death. So this means, he is changing and moving farther and farther away from the desire he had: to die.

Later on, when he goes to the mall, he sees that all the floors are made of glass, so you can look down and see the things beneath you. So he remembers that a year before, he would go to the mall near his house, stand on the balconies and look down, imagining what it would feel like to fall. However, the close-to-death experience changed him, and now he can't even stand looking down at the glass floor and seeing the empty space below him. It was an impact that his attempted suicide had on him: He no longer wanted to and disliked any allusions to this past.

The most shocking part - and awkward if I may - is when Brent goes to the movies and out of all the ways there are to make people laugh in movies, this movie's idea of "funny" is setting a guy on fire. Of course he has a trauma when it comes to fire, so this is awful for him. "I feel sick. This is the worst. Rhe absolute worst movie I've ever seen in my life," (P. 130) he says. I feel so bad for him. He's trying to get over that part of his life, and it keeps on coming back to him. However, it's good that he's still intent on changing the suicidal person he used to be.